OK I thought there was some kind of automatic valve of hormones that is supposed to go off when one gets married. I’m supposed to now that I’m in love and in a secure relationship, older for my eggs are drying up… suddenly want babies. I actually asked my Ob/Gyn last week if there was something wrong with me. Because babies still scare the crap out of me and there isn’t a single bone, muscle, organ or dead skin cell in my body that desires one. What is up with that? I’ll tell you what’s up.

The short glimpses I have into the lives of “OPKs” (Other People’s Kids) is enough to stunt any potential for my hormones to rage, become deluded and want kids. I swear to god in the past year I’ve been exposed to good, bad, quiet, loud, sweet, rotten and several obnoxious kids and while it has never ever been the kids fault it's almost always the parents. Never mind that I’m actually very close to or related to some of them. Hell these people are supposed to be good people and if they are so damn bad at raising kids I have no hope.

I visited my brother in law and his wife during New Years Eve and they had just had this cutest little baby girl and with a 2 year old already in the home they had their hands full. Newborn babies sleep most of the time, you can’t complain much about them and the 2 year old is so precious and well behaved and even then I was overwhelmed as hell. It’s a lot to handle. How the hell do people do it? My own friends, most of them with 2 ½ kids and dogs and picket fences are just drowning over their ears in kids. And it just seems like soooooo much work. While the kid throws a 2 hour tantrum one of the moms says to me “but it’s really worth it”. Really? HOW?

I’ve somewhat become addicted to Super Nanny. I need Super Nanny to visit some of the people I know and their households and slap them silly for how bad they are with their kids. Yeah I don’t have any, what do I know but when I see a rotten kid behave so badly you want to dislike the child you know there is something wrong with the way the parent is doing it. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

I’ve seen kids bargain with their parents, argue and scream and yell while demanding something. How is that I never had options growing up, you ate what was put on your table, you wore the clothes that were bought for you, you went where you were told, did what you were asked and mostly didn’t question your parents. And if I ever did “Because I said so” was enough justification and out of respect and fear of my parents I didn’t even remotely consider questioning it.

Kids bargaining with their parents! Since when is that open to bargaining? I’ve seen “I don’t like this food” responded with a second meal and activities put off and plans altered because the kid didn’t want to do something. What? When did this happen? Shit my father would have slapped me upside down the head if I had an opinion about those things.

How is it that some children are so insanely well behaved and others are so completely rotten? It’s the parents! I recently had someone get hysterical on me because she thought I was yelling at her baby who was hysterical and crying for wanting his mother. Cow! Didn't realize that I was simply trying to figure out the needs of her child while she stuffed her face, got drunk and ignored his needs. If you want to act like you are still partying in college why have a kid and if you do why not pay a babysitter to put up with your screaming kid so you don’t embarrass yourself and become a nuisance to other guests.

I tell you the more time I spend with OPKs the more I find it utterly impossible to want babies. Sigh…what did I get myself into... Kids have got to be the best birth control.