Sooooo sweet...just what I needed for a pick me up this morning. Orangutan and Tiger babies are best friends! Click on the picture for the story.

I’m back from India. It has been a very hectic few weeks. I was like a chicken with my head cut off. I tried to extend my stay but couldn’t get a confirmed ticket till well into March and didn’t want to give up my seat and then go standby and get stuck in India so I came back reluctantly. I wish I had stayed a little longer to see things solidify some.

I managed to convince my mother to go on dialysis. This in itself has been the biggest achievement of the past few weeks. They gave her 6 – 9 months if she didn’t go on it. I would like to believe I didn’t bully her but I was very persuasive and proactive in getting her to the point of actually starting the treatment. The first week was spent getting tests, seeing doctors and convincing her. She had it 3 times before I left. She’ll be going 3 times a week for 4 hours each time until her kidneys are able to catch up and then the frequency might go down a bit.

Getting to that point was probably the hardest thing though. The veins in her hand are in very bad shape so they couldn’t insert a catheter into her hand. Instead they operated on her neck and made a hole above her collar bone and inserted the catheter there. I sat with her during the entire surgery watched it and held her hand while she screamed and cried and asked to be allowed to die. Keeping calm was the hardest challenge. I came on the brink of losing it often during these past few weeks. She stayed in the hospital for 4 days and was sick and in pain the entire time. I stayed with her. My mother who has been the epitome of strength her entire life was reduced to something that was really difficult to bear. She is only 57 and her body has turned into that of a 90 year old. The hardest thing was not being able to leave the hospital for 4 days. I felt mentally ill towards the end. I think that was the low point for me. I have never in my life felt as lonely as I did then realizing there was no one just her and me.

It really was fine though. The doctors, nurses, administration, even relatives of other patients were wonderful. People are truly warm and kind in India. Sometimes you don’t even have to ask for help. So many times I’d stand on lines and get clobbered by people that just cut ahead and I didn't want to physically hustle especially with men but someone would notice from behind the desk and come rescue me and help me. I suppose my relatives had been taking care of her for so long they figured I was here and they would let me handle it so I was left alone to handle everything with the formality of  “call us if you need anything”. But I’m glad I didn’t.

I managed to get her admitted, do all her paperwork, bills, finances, running around administrative work and get her discharged all on my own. I even found her a nurse on my own and made arrangements for her dialysis by myself. It was definitely a lesson in adversity not knowing absolutely anything in India but people were very helpful and kind. Even the ward-boy that brought us food everyday would coax me to eat because I stopped eating because I couldn’t deal with the smell of the hospital, the taste of the food and felt so ill the entire time and had no appetite.  

I owe a lot of gratitude to Hinduja Hospital and it's staff that was absolutely wonderful, compassionate, kind and patient thru the whole process and above all extremely professional. Perhaps it helped that my mother is a Surgeon herself but people were very good towards me, especially the nurses at night and I sincerely appreciated that and I highly recommend them. It was very painful to see my mother in so much pain but I can truly say I feel like I did absolutely everything any human being can do and I feel good about achieving the goals I set for myself. I’m glad to be back and back to normalcy. I know in my heart my mom is going to get better.

I will have to go back in a few months. But I truly understand the reason behind why my mom didn’t want to go on dialysis. The mortality rate for dialysis patients in Maharashtra is 95%+ and that’s just the sad reality according to her Nephrologist Dr Sirsat. People die waiting for kidneys. Despite the hospital's claim that it does a lot of transplants the sad reality was that in 2006 they did not do a single kidney transplant. Unless someone from my family comes forward to save her she will continue to be on dialysis for the rest of her life. The alternative was even bleak so this was the only option. I didn’t know what else to do. If I could do it I would in a heartbeat but I’m not the same blood group.

I get regular updates from my aunt who lives with her, the one that is mentally 15. I have to say I’m amazed at her ability everyday. She runs the house, takes care of my mother and grandmother and people forget she is mentally 15. She’s just wonderful, she’s raised all of us and I feel so sad sometimes because she deserves a life of her own.

I’m a little shell shocked at the moment. I haven’t cried once and wonder if I’ve just hardened and am not going to cry at all or that I’ll crash at some point. It was good to be back at work and just be normal today. My mom is clinically depressed but they cannot give her medication and she has a lot of family and friends around that visit often to cheer her up but in the end this is something she is going to have to pull herself out of. I didn’t know how to fix that situation in India. The doctors weren’t very open about recognizing and treating depression in India. They said to let her get a little healthier but it’s such a vicious cycle. How will she get better if she doesn’t eat and be positive so I don’t know?

Despite all this it wasn't really all awful. The other highlight of the trip was spending time with my cousins and a new addition to the family. Every night when I'd put my mom to bed I'd go across to my aunt's house and we'd sit around till the wee hours of the night talking. It was really sweet. I celebrated a cousin's 15th birthday and got home made meals nearly everyday which was just wonderful.

I’m going back in June/July to follow her progress. Thank you so much for all the kind comments everyone has left in the past few weeks. Those comments for me are like Spinach to Popeye.

I'm taking a break from the blog for a few weeks. My brand new computer died on me so I have very limited access to the blog. The hard drive is corrupted and will need to be reformatted. Other than the fact that I haven't backed up in a few months and lost a lot of things it's the least of my worries at the moment.

My mother is extremely ill. She fell a few days ago and lost a lot of blood from her head. She has a fracture on her skull, cheekbone and hand and is showing signs of brain injury. Her kidneys are also about to go into shock but she is refusing help and refusing to go on dialysis.

I'm leaving for India this week and will be gone indefinitely until some arrangements can be made for my mother. I'm drained but strong and know that I will get thru this. Please keep my mother in your prayers.

A dear friend today sent me a note that included the Hanuman Chalisa that she said she would be reciting for my mother thru my trip and she sent me strength in that note. I read that first thing this morning when I got into the office and just cried. I'm not religious, in fact I'm agnostic, but when someone thinks of my mother in terms of their faith I have to say nothing is more special than that.

Everyone should be this lucky to find comfort and support in well wishers known and unknown. When I even remotely feel sorry for myself I realize I could be doing this alone but instead have strength coming to me from so many unusual sources.

From the bottom of my heart how much this means to me is beyond words. I've been frantically prepping for things before leaving, had basic things to buy, trying to find a pet sitter, doctors appointment etc and just like that without asking so many friends have stepped up to help in big and small ways.

THANK YOU.