Speaking of food...I had the most bizarre and disappointing experience earlier this week. Last summer when we had just moved in we had found this no frills Mexican place called Taqueria Downtown in the neighborhood when we first moved in. We found the guys there to be friendly and the food was simple if not the most varied or exciting but it was fresh and quick and around the corner. Taco stands of Queens NY it wasn't but it was convenient.

Earlier this week we stopped by to pick up food to take home (something we hadn't done to date) and this is exactly what transpired. I can't even make this stuff up.

We walk in and hub and I are trying to figure out what to get. The woman behind the counter screams "Close the door". Eh ok fine we close the door. It was so jarring. She goes "To say or go". Hub goes "To go" so she waves us around and we start looking at the menu.

They have this long and snobby list of things that makes them authentic 'no guacamole...no fajitas' etc. So hub goes to her with a smirk "Do you have fajitas" and she curtly said "We don't serve American food". Of course he was joking we've eaten there before.

We order the food and I see her put a table number on the top of the counter. I turned to him and said "I don't think she heard you to go because she put a number she probably thinks we are eating in". He goes to her "Miss we are taking it to go you heard right?"

To which the poor woman completely flew off the handle. "Why don't you look at the sight hanging from the ceiling....you are standing in the wrong place... you should have ordered at the other counter." Hub goes "You didn't hear us" and she goes "You should have stopped being stupid and making jokes about the sign". (Not sure since when joking and being friendly with someone is considered stupidity!)

It was like she was just waiting to shit on the first person that walked in the door. The place is packed we are baffled and confused at this point and hub tries arguing with her which was a bad idea on his part. "But I told you we are taking it to go when I walked in." To which she said "Your woman said to stay." What? I didn't know whether to laugh or get behind the counter and shake her because at this point she and I hadn't exhanged a word.

So now she and hub are screaming at each other and she suddenly she banishes him with the wave of her hand "JUST GO OVER THERE SIR I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU STANDING HERE."

I can't even make that up. I have been so bothered by this. I am shocked that someone would scream at their customers in a restaurant. So what even if we ordered at the wrong counter? So what even if we didn't see the sign? Does it really warrant behaving like a complete moron. You could tell she was so flustered at that point I was so disgusted and embarrassed for her. I was wondering whether she was flustered because she embarrassed herself.

Turns out the shitty attitude of the very angry woman behind the counter is something a lot of other people have encountered. There are reviews after reviews out there of people complaining about the rotten attitude so I don't feel so bad and realize we weren't singled out...they just have really really shitty service.

It's too bad because you'd think in this economy a mom and pop shop like that would make more of an effort to stay in business. Not that simply being friendly and nice requires any effort but obviously something is sorely lacking here. They definitely will not be getting my business and at the rate of the gathering bad reviews looks like they'll be missing out on a lot more. It's a shame.

So who hasn't felt the jolts of the economy. Even with 80% off at Retail I'm not motivated to shop and I'm grateful and lucky to have a job unlike so many people I know.

Of course this is New York and while we eat at home most of the time now (for lack of options in Jersey City...we were so spoilt in Queens) eating out is part of a New Yorker's life. You can't get away from it. Socializing happens in this city around eating out.

So here is a recession friendly guilde to eating out and socializing in New York City.

CLICK HERE!

That’s what Slumdog Millionaire is all about. By now if you haven’t been living under a rock you’ve heard about this little film that could.

I first heard about the buzz in Rolling Stones magazine in November last year and the synopsis sounded too “bollywood”. Boy is poor, boy beats odds, boy gets girl. But then I heard about it on NPR and CNN and everyone was talking about it. And finally when my inlaws told me they'd already seen it and I should I had to go see it. And I shouldn't have waited. It is anything but bollywood! In a lot of ways it’s gritty, grimy, dirty, heartbreaking and heartwarming all at once.

So of course it’s no surprise that Slumdog Millionaire has been nominated for 10 Oscars this year. WOW. 10. Second only to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (which I’m yet to see) Second only to BRAD PITT Hello!!  

The protagonist of the film; Jamal a 18 year old has this amazing sense of innocence and defiance about him that just leaves you wanting to protect him. The film showed a side of Mumbai very few have seen, even someone like me who was born and raised in Mumbai. And there was something very sobering about seeing this real side of Mumbai. Seeing life flourish in the worst of conditions and people being hopeful despite the human condition definitely tugs at your heart strings.

The music of A R Rahman is brilliant and MIA’s Paper Planes was placed in the most fantastic segment of the film. I highly recommend seeing this movie in times like these. It will make you feel hopeful.

However while I was browsing thru the categories another nomination caught my eye. Documentary Smile Pinki by Megan Mylan is about a little Indian girl who was born with a Cleft lip and has a chance at hope. I have to get my hands on this. 

Saks Fifth Avenue is having a massive 50% off sale currently that isn't exactly advertised! Their website says 80% off but nothing like shopping in the store.

Go check it out...

So apparently they are giving FREE MAKEUP at Neiman Marcus and other major department stores. I haven't gone to believe this so I'm posting it ahead in case you get there before me!

Apparently there was a lawsuit from back in 2004 that had something to do with retailers price fixing (NO REALLY!!!) Apparently this has resulted in retailers being forced to give away millions of $$ worth of products to customers who purchased cosmetics between 1994 and 2003.

Do you need a receipt? NO NO NO NO. You are honorable. You bought cosmetics at Saks before. You will sign the form stating so and then you'll walk out with FREE STUFF!

I think it's thru the end of the week or while supplies last . A list of the products is available here.

PUCKER UP BABIES.

***UPDATE***

So the deal is you don't have a choice out of all on the list and you need to be prepared to stand in long lines out in the cold (at least here in the Northeast) to get your hands on anything free and be prepared to be treated like cattle.

Personally...I don't have that kind of time!

Like all the masses out there I'm hopeful today and emotional about this historic day. Last night I was so overcome watching grown men and women crying on TV for being able to see a black man in the white house in their lifetime.

And while I acknowledge the enormity of this moment I must say my hope and dreams are resting on the new president being educated, articulate, young and being able to inspire. My hopes are resting on the notion that he will turn this economy around and I don't expect him to do this overnight. My hopes are resting on the notion that he will end the Iraq war and bring the troops home and put an end to the money pit that it has become. And my hopes are resting on the notion that he will inspire all of us to be better, to give more and be more than we can be.

What an amazing amazing historic day. I'm so so excited and so emotional about it. Himanshu is in Puerto Rico for work (yeah it's a tough life) and I wish so much that he was here today with me so we could watch this moment in history together. I plan on joining friends tonite to toast the NEW President of the United States of America.

Yes I realize it's nearly half a month late but I have a valid excuse. My hard drive crashed at the stroke of midnight (yes again if you've been a reader of my blog for which Dell will never get my business ever again) and my only access to a computer is using Himanshu's work laptop which he isn't too thrilled about. So short of checking my emails I've had seriously limited access to the internet.

Regardless a VERY VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR to you. I hope you've been well. I've missed the blog and the readers and commenters. As part of my resolutions this year I made a commitment to myself that I would find time to blog again.

For starters I'm doing really well. I'm married to an amazing amazing guy (who incidentally is celebrating a birthday today) so as far as my husband is concerned I have no complaints. My mami (mom's brother's wife) tells me that he's the antidote to all the suffering in my life! Some days I'm amazed that I could get a guy like that to marry me. And if it's at all possible now that it's been nearly 15 months since we got married I love him so much deeply today than I did in those first lust filled days.

But the last 15 months of marriage have certainly had its challenges. Juggling my inlaws and the commitments that come with marriage has been a particularly large challenge. Something or the other forced us to make a very large time commitment to them on a constant basis. So much of our time and energy was sucked up by work. And having me time went out the window. Could you imagine we don't even have kids!

So in 2009 I made a commitment to myself. I would prioritize me and my health and well being and I would bring more serenity and calm into my life. So that is the goal. And since blogging is something that gives me so much joy this is something I have committed myself to. Though the blog became a source of some stress to me earlier last year when it was used to defame me at work. A failed attempt by a pathetic asshole it regardless left a bad taste in my mouth. Perhaps the break was something the universe had in mind for me.

The last few years have been such a transition for me. 2006 was the year I bought a place then moved. 2007 I met a guy, got married, lost my mother and had a falling out with my family but acquired a new one. In 2008 my hubby got a new job and we moved to New Jersey. I put my place up in the market for sale but then the market crashed and I couldn't sell it but I was lucky to find a wonderful tenant in time to move in my old place. While we loved living in Paulus Hook (Jersey City) being away in proximity from Himanshu's parents was a challenge we couldn't balance. We ended up spending nearly every single weekend going to Long Island which put a lot of strain on us.

Finally in October we celebrated our first anniversary in Dominican Republic (where Himanshu lived for several years) and it was really just the perfect vacation of all vacations. It was by far one of the best trips of our lifetime and we've had a fairly short lifetime together. We came back rejuvinated and focused and ready to reclaim our time.

But then in November Himanshu's father was diagnosed with renal cancer when almost by accident a very large malignant tumor was discovered on his Kidney. He had his kidney removed in early December. The good news is he's doing fantastic and home recovering but as you can imagine a crisis of that magnitude sent everyone tumbling.

While Himanshu prepared me for the worst his mother became emotionally unresponsive and his father was very angry all the time. This was the first major crisis the family had encountered and while I've had my share of crisis I was able to cope for the most part. But it put a lot of strain on us in terms of managing our time and simply making time for ourselves was always challenging.

But with that behind us it is now 2009 and as part of our new years plan we made a commitment to chill out more, have more fun and focus on us individually and as a couple.

So here I am. We celebrated the arrival of the new year at a fabulous party with friends and visiting family from Springfield IL. Tell me how you've been?

And end up here?

Not exactly. Lately I wonder how people manage with children and the rest of life. Shit I don't even have children and I have no time for the blog. Something gives and this ends up giving. Things have been great. I can't really complain and I often think of topics to blog about at around 12:00 am when I'm about to get to bed. By morning the idea and any remote chance of making it to the blog is gone. So here I am eons later and I keep telling myself I'll do it I'll do it, there is so much to blog about. The political scene is on fire and while I devour it it's tough not to talk about it.

But for now I'm off on a much needed vacation. Between working insane hours and just living life and enjoying my new home I've suddenly become overworked and underpaid. Lucky me I'm leaving for the Dominican Republic tomorrow at 6:00 am for some much needed R&R on the beach for a week.

Oh yeah and would you believe it....my 1 year wedding anniversary was yesterday. Surreal. Still honeymooning still madly in love and still rather happy with how it all turned out to be and still coming to grips with the fact that I'm now married it's all been otherwise good. I'm one lucky gal.

Hope you are well.

Food is such a huge part of our lives, I know it is for us. I’m married to a food snob for whom it’s all about the experience and he’s got the belly to prove for it (good thing he doesn’t read my blog J) But he’s a fantastic cook and I have to say in the past (almost) 1 year of being married he has definitely elevated my sense of food and introduced me to good, fresh and simpler foods.

The first 10 months of our marriage (and it hasn’t quite been 11 months yet) eating at local eateries in Queens became our thing. We have a standing date on Friday and we’d explore Queens. Unlike my previous life where food venues only existed in Manhattan I ventured into unknown neighborhoods in Queens with him to discover some amazing foods, Italian, Indian, Thai. And it became our thing.

So naturally when we were planning the big move I was sad about leaving all that comfortable familiarity behind and being forced to discover new places and who knows ‘the area might be a dump and we won’t find anything’…I exclaimed out loud to him one day. He’s used to such grave statements from me about frivolous stuff. Anyway unbeknownst to me he went around in the neighborhood ahead of us moving in and scoped out a few places for us to try after we moved in.

I’ve been a Queens girl for 22 years of my life and it was a really emotional decision to move to New Jersey. But it was the right decision for us because H needed to be in Jersey according to his contract and his commute is now cut down by 3 hours a day! So now he sleeps in while I still have to get up and go to work at the same time!

He was flexible; he would live anywhere in NJ as long as my commute into midtown was the same or better than before. I appreciated that. We have a few friends up and down the gold coast (Weehawken, Hoboken, Jersey City) and figured we’d check out that area since I’m not exactly ready for total suburbia. We scoped out places in Newport Jersey city and hated them. We just found it so congested and lacking in any character. It was like living in Manhattan, cold highrises with no connections to people and places. We loved living in Forest Hills where we really felt like we were in a “neighborhood”. We needed something similar.

One of the appointments I had to look at apartments landed us in Paulus Hook and the first time we walked thru the neighborhood I was hooked. We loved it because it had so much character and history and it had a really casual laid back environment. The sidewalk culture was more family oriented versus the “single scene” sidewalk culture further north in Newport. AND it had historic signficance dating back to George Washington and if you are a regular reader you know how I have a thing for GW. Of course the massive apartment, being on the water and the amazing view had a little something to do with it.

When we were in Queens we walked everywhere. I couldn’t live in a place where I couldn’t just hoof it. I could easily walk several miles just running errands in Queens and I finally felt like I found a place that would allow me the same thing. A loop around the boardwalk in front of our building is easy 2 miles. From the get go we started exploring the local neighborhood eats. In the past 3 weeks I’ve discovered a few places I like and a few places I won’t be going back to.

Taqueria Downtown

On the corner of Grove St & Grand St

I love this place. It was the first place we ate at when we first moved into the neighborhood and I have loved it since. It’s Mexican food but it’s like comfort food to me. There are no refried beans here, chips or guacamole at the table. They don’t serve sour cream with your food and nothing is supersized and precooked. It’s truly authentic no frills fresh and excellent Mexican food.

The staff is always super friendly (hey we even got a tip for a great mechanic in the area from one of the guys) and they have a little garden in the back that reminds you of a backyard in someone’s home while you eat under the trees. The Quesadillas are fantastic, NOTHING at all like the stuff you get in run of the mill Mexican places. They usually have this Mushroom and Queso fresco special that is to die for. The fish tacos are fantastic and come with some secret sauce that is just divine. There are no hard tacos, only one kind of tacos, freshly rolled soft tacos. And do get the Bean Tostada. I highly recommend it.

Ibby’s

On the corner of Grove St & Wayne St

My friend Vinny told me about this place the first week I moved in. He insisted I go eat there. So on the 2^nd day we moved in and the kitchen wasn’t up and running H and I in between errands popped in and picked up a couple of Falafels. We ate there on the 3^rd and 4^th day and have eaten there every week since. Hell even when we had unexpected family visit a few days after we moved in we got a whole catering tray from there. It was great.

It’s just plainly put DELICIOUS. The owner Adnan Kwara is the nephew of the guy who owns Mamouns. Regardless the food here is fresh and fantastic. Everyone in Jersey City recommends it and so do I.

Brownstone Diner & Pancake Factory

On the corner of Jersey Avenue & Grand St

This is a good diner for breakfast any time of the day and it’s always packed. They have every imaginable kind of pancake, omlete, waffle you can think of and it’s all made fresh. It’s a good bet on lazy Saturday morning and it’s always consistently good. They also have a huge Panini, wrap and burger menu but we have never gone past breakfast. I had quite a few people tell me to eat there when I moved to Jersey City and I was definitely happy with it.

We also ate at this place called Medina (Pakistani food) also on Grove St and found it to be not fresh. Hated it.

I've been in over my head doing lots of things but mostly working insane hours, moving apartments and getting the old apartment ready for tenants. My hubby has been traveling and constantly out of town and so it's been a little bit daunting. Of course blogging takes the hit.

So get this. I'm officially a Jersey girl! There I said it. Yup it's official. I have moved states and crossed 2 rivers and honestly am quite happy as of now. Of course I've been in this apartment officially for 10 days now but I love it so. It's bigger brighter better has the most amazing view and a really great commute and of course the bigger price tag to go with it.

But the past few nights while I've been alone drowing in boxes I have found some excuse or the other to sit outside on the balcony and watch the boats sail by. I'm right on a marina and across from the Statue of Liberty and the most phenomenal view of New York City.

Had to move, Hubster found a new job in the state that requires him to physically live in Jersey and he was commuting past 2 rivers twice a day for a while. The apartment didn't sell but I found tenants I like so far so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. To the day, 2 years to the day I moved in I moved out. Amazing.

Anyway this is all the snippet I can offer for now. I've been working insane hours, driving back and forth from Jersey and LI on an almost daily basis while work was being done on my old apartment but am getting a 5 day break this coming weekend and am looking forward to it. I'll blog more often I promise and about fun things.

Oh wait before I sign off I have this grand view of the "Waterfalls" in Brooklyn from my balcony. They are far enough that my piddly little camera won't catch it well but close enough that it illuminates the waters at night. You have to see if you can catch it by nighttime. I hear the several locations can see it from the bridges downtown.

In the meantime here are some pictures of the view I enjoy...I'll share more after I have time to take more  Hope you are doing well.

I realize it's been a while, I just haven't been around. I know lame excuse. Things no one tells you before you get married. How much time it sucks out of your own time.  Lucky for me I'm married to a good man so it's not all bad. I can't really blame him or marriage, my apartment is up on the market, I've had 99 million family commitments and we are transitioning over to SAP at work so lots and lots of work hours.

Anyway I had to share. Dhruvi (my sweet kid from PA who's all growed up now) had a very special birthday recently. Her mom (one of my oldest and dearest friends Charchita) brought her and some of her friends into the city for a "Fun NYC day". They got treated to a royal birthday party and lunch at the American Girl Place and then spent most of the day walking around. And it turned out that they were 4 girls out and about the city. Considering my last post about 4 girls this one you'll find cute. Keeping in theme hehehe.

Oh yeah and we checked out Chris Burden as well @ Rockefeller Center.

So after the rest of the world saw it on the first day and I wasn't able to score tickets and sulked and bitched about it for days on end I finally saw Sex & the City and I have 2 words...predictable and disappointing!

SPOILER ALERT...If you are living under a rock, or have some other valid excuse to have not caught it yet don't read on!

My apartment is up for SALE. Details here.

New York Times Listing here.

$229K 1 bed/1bath - Luxkry High Rise (Birchwood Towers - Belair) Forest Hills Queens

23^rd Floor / Large terrace / Un-obstructed gorgeous views

20 minutes to MidtownHardwood Floors / Large Closets

24 Hour Doorman

Central Air / HeatSwimming Pool / Private Benches - Playground

5 minute walk from subway / Austin Street shopping/restaurants

Folks, it started 2 days ago and today in Manhattan it will reach it's peak...Manhattanhenge....the effect dubbed after Stonehenge. Sunsets will align perfectly with the streets in Manhattan from 14th street and above. It's an amazing phenomenon and I've only seen it once but today I'm equipped with camera. If you are in the city around sunset which is 8:20 pm tonite (yup days are getting longer) definitely catch this rather sweet view.

OK OK I know I've been MIA. I catch up on other people's blogs from time to time and came to the realization that my blog has turned to shit lately. I haven't had time to post anything but there have been so many interesting posts that have materialized in my head. So I'm making a list that I promise to follow thru on and post about...

1. Reviews for Rafta Rafta & Sita Sings the Blues...I promise I'll do it shortly.

2. Reviews on some fabulous restaurants and some crappy ones I've been to in the past few months.

3. New just in time for the warm weather skin care and make up reviews and updates.

If I can accomplish this in the next week I'll call myself luck.

Oh I've been MIA because we are selling the apartment and moving across 2 rivers. Yes I'm moving to New Jersey. Wow I know. Huge deal but it's such a fantastic opportunity for Himanshu and he's going to be so much happier and richer...oops did I say that?? Hehehehe. Anyway so I've been insanely swamped between work and juggling moving and cleaning up and a bunch of other things.

Anyway so while I'm working on delivering on the promises above here are some fun things to get your summer started with. It's officially summer in New York when the schedules for summer concerts come out.

Like every year I look forward to Central Park Summer Stage. My recommendations for this year and concerts I'd like to check out are:

Mosh Ben Ari and Rupa & the April Fishes - A Jewish Reggae singer and a sultry mix of Hindi Spanish and French oh la la.

Afrika Bambaataa - Afro Hip Hop and oh such a flashback to the 80s for me.

Los Lonely Boys & Los Lobos - Texican rock and roll fun and a legendary band.

Of course it can’t be a New York summer without taking in some of the concerts on the Great Lawn. This is one of the highlights of my summer every year.

New York Philharmonic performs on Central Park’s Great Lawn

Tuesday, June 24, 2008 at 8 PM
Bramwell Tovey, Conductor
Shostakovich: Festive Overture
Mendelssohn: Symphony No. 4, Italian
Tchaikovsky: 1812 Overture
Sousa: Selected Marches

Tuesday, July 15, 2008 at 8 PM
Alan Gilbert, Conductor | Lang Lang, Piano
Tchaikovsky: Piano Concerto No. 1
Beethoven: Symphony No. 4
Sibelius: Finlandia

For Philharmonic performances in outer boroughs and in Jersey see the full list HERE.

Another set of fantastic happenings on the Great Lawn in the New York Metropolitan Opera in the Park. However this year they only have one published and listed concert in Prospect Park Brooklyn. Their website contains old unupdated information from last year for Central Park concerts. I'm annoyed. But I cannot find any Central Park concerts for the Opera this year. Oh well.

The rules for park concerts are simple:

Blanket, Candles and take my word on it make sure they are Citronella, Food, Drinks (no glass or alcohol at Summerstage but it’s “ignored and tolerated” on the Great Lawn)

22 million Americans suffer from Asthma. I’m one of them. Every year, asthma causes 14 million missed school days and more than 5,000 deaths in the U.S. It is the leading chronic illness among U.S. children.

Like in previous years I have joined forces with the American Lung Association to help raise money to fight this deadly disease. I will be doing the Asthma Walk on May 31^st 2008 in Battery Park. In previous years I’ve been tremendously successful and all because of you.

Will you help me again? This means so much to me. Any support you give will help a child with asthma breathe easier.

Click on this link to donate!!

I woke up today mindlessly, nothing was different

I lay awake and stared at the lone plane in the distance

Got ready and put on my favorite red dress

As I looked in the mirror I saw you mama

I saw your lips and your eyes, the same 2 fine wrinkles between your brows
You were putting on your lipstick, the curve of the edge tilting just so

I was 6 and you were a glorious 28 years old

The pleats of your sari were perfect, 6 of them folded against the soft of your belly

A little boy was making his home there, a little boy lost

I saw your hopes and dreams and your infinite heart

I saw you in the mirror today mama

I wish you and yours a very Happy Mother's day coming up. A lame Hallmark holiday I made fun of over the years ... as if you need a actual day to be thankful of your mother ... this is my first mother's day without my mother.

I went to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens with my mother in law this past weekend and it was really nice to see flowers after what seems like an eternal winter. It hasn't been particularly freezing nor have we had too much snow but the winter has just dragged on. It's still quite chilly in the mornings and I haven't been able to entirely pack away all my winter jackets.

The Magnolias are completely open and at their peek. Though outside of the garden in my neighborhood they are just starting to open. Apple blossoms and Cherry Blossoms are starting to bud. There were a few random Blossoms at full bloom but otherwise the gardens are just sprouting life.

It was however a beautiful Saturday morning and it was nice to have a garden to ourselves for a few hours. I recommend you go in another week to two weeks to catch the full effects of the blossoms.

I recently saw this amazing newspiece about the concept of paying it forward. It’s a program called NEAD or Never Ending Altruistic Donor. The way it works is that a total stranger donates a Kidney to a person in need. In turn a family member or a friend of the recepient promises to donate their kidney to someone else in need and the chain carries forward.

As I sat listening to stories of people who have benefitted by this amazing program I cried because I wish my mother had the opportunity of that second chance. She secumbed to her failed kidneys because she couldn’t find a donor. I’d like to do this, in my heart I really do but I also know realistically this isn’t something I’d like to consider till after I’ve had children.

Anyway please check it out and spread the word. If you or someone you know is affected by kidney disease there is a lot of hope there. Also other resources here and here.

This past weekend I caught Into the Wild directed by Sean Penn with Emile Hirsch as the amazing Christopher McCandless and I was so incredibly touched by it. Christopher McCandless was a man who was seeking solitude partly to discover himself and party while to run away from his problems. He wanted to be one with nature and blazed his own path, living on his own terms, as a free spirit and finally dying in the wilderness leaving behind a written journal of his journey.

I think the thing that touched me the most was how much of myself and my life I found in that movie. I was mesmerized by his purity and spirit and drive and innocence as he went about discovering life and relationships with people and nature. I remember being that way, young and pure at heart, no footprints on my mind to follow, experiencing the world for the first time, on my own terms. It was just such an amazing experience. And I survived to lead a rather mundane life. Not too many people can relate to it. This movie is so heartwarming and pure, I highly recommend it.

Every now and then someone will leave a comment or write me privately off the blog asking of advice or simply needing some comfort. I had two such comments recently and I thought I should address them in a post because after I wrote out the responding comment it was so long it deserved a post.

Recently someone posted asking the below question:

Rupa, please, tell me what else your shrink told you regarding attracting true love into your life. I am at a crossroads, not knowing whether or not I want to be single or want to be in a relationship. I've been happy, single and independent for a loooooong time. Then for a short time I lived with a man whom I recently lost. I am still recovering from that - trying to forgive and forget. We both did some pretty crazy things to each other, but I got more affected by it all than him because this was my first real, live in relationship. Now, I'm not sure if I want to be happy and single again or happy and coupled. Sometimes I even consider trying to get him back, even though at our cores, we were not compatible. Still, I miss the "togetherness". How to know if one is meant to be in a relationship or not? How to attract the perfect mate? Agggggggghhhhhhh! The agony of it all!!!

My answer:

My gosh slow down my friend. I’m a strong believer that if you walk away from a toxic lover there is zero reason to go back. He isn’t the only man in the world. There are other men. The biggest advice my shrink gave me and many a sensible girlfriend is that ‘you have to believe in your heart you deserve a good man, who treats you with respect and kindness and love, and you have to hold out for that man’. And no he won’t be an otherwise perfect mate in all respects but just perfect for you.

My husband is a good man, loving, caring, a well provider. He’s however a procrastinator and I need to fill in for that void. He’d much rather be a bum, scratch his butt, not shave and sit on the couch and watch whatever sport is on even though when pushed and inspired he absolutely has the best time doing other things. I need to provide that push and inspiration. I’m hot and short tempered and not the best person to do the talking in a heated situation. He needs to fill in that void. I’m good with finances, bad with laundry. He takes care of that. I’m fairly Republican, he’s quite Liberal. And we argue about it all the time. Neither of us is perfect and with the wrong partner we’d be unbearable, but we are perfect for eachother.

So throw out the notion of finding the “perfect mate”, there is no such thing. The perfect mate may not like the same things you do, and may not always see eye to eye with you but he will always treat you with respect, consideration and like a gentleman.

Secondly there is no rule or law of the land anywhere that telsl you you need to choose between being in a relationship or not. The right way to do it is to cross the bridge when you get to it. That's not just the right way but the healthy way. If you are single now, heal yourself from your hurt and enjoy being single. Just because one relationship was wrong doesn't mean the one that comes around next would be as well. If you approach life with that negativity you won't find love. Your heart has to be open for it. I loved being single and enjoyed every minute of it. As has my husband. I'm glad for it. When the right man comes along you'll be open to love and a relationship with him. Why do you need to choose at all?

Remember life is very very long (some people like to believe it’s short), if you are a young person with your whole life ahead of you you are doing disservice to yourself by wondering if it’s better off being single. Even being single looses it’s charm when everyone around you starts getting coupled and having babies and moving on with life. Not that that should be the end all of anyone’s existence but there is progression in life, don’t fight it. We as humans need, crave and deserve love. Don’t shut yourself from it.

Another post by Anisha from a little while ago deserved a response:

rupa thank you for this post. it really helped me to put in perspective some of the things my mil has done to me like ranting for two consecutive days about the fact that her son emptied the dishwasher and started the washing machine plus nit picking on every little thing that i do. it was all so traumatic for me because this is the first time in my life i've encountered something like this. i told my husband she needed to see a shrink but i had no idea that this sort of behavior is so common in india (i've never visited india).

it's just so sad that generations of men and women propagate this negativity however, as you said hopefully attitudes will change in the future.

I’m sorry it took me this long to respond. At first I thought about whether I should respond with something and then it slipped me but I think you deserve a response. I could recant for you mother in law tales that would make you think your mother in law is an angel sent from heaven. I have girlfriends who are absoultely wonderful wives, mothers, homemakers, daughter in laws and overall good Indian girls and let me tell you their mother in laws are total bitches.

I have often wondered how sad it is that these mother in laws don’t realize how lucky they are and what if they’d gotten a sharp tongued, quick witted, curt and to the point daughter in law like me. I’d probably drive them to jump out the window. But that’s life. With all my fiestiness and might I ended up getting a sweet mother in law. She’s overbearingly sweet but wicked, cunning and a bitch she is absolutely not. And when I was in India everyone kept telling me “my god you are so lucky” and I though it was so sad that by default our culture expects mother in laws to be jerks.

I can tell you this, from all my observations I have realized that something happens to mothers when their sons get married. There obviously is something emotional mental happening that is hard for you and I to explain because we aren’t in their shoes but the behavior is consistent with so many examples I’ve known. I’m sure it’s difficult for them to see another woman in their son’s life or perhaps it’s hard to watch what she did for him be replaced by someone else.

Yes a mother and wife aren’t equal for all intents and purposes but in a lot of ways the roles are very similar and when a man gets married he lets go of so much of that relationship with his mother and starts it with his wife. I’ll give you an example. Himanshu used to discuss a lot of things about his career and finances with his mother before I came along. But now he simply doesn’t. Is he being cruel? Not at all, it’s just life’s transition. But does she feel the effects of it? Absolutely. And I can imagine she has her moments where she feels she has no value for him because she is neither providing him with sustenence (food/caring) nor providing him with support (mental/emotional) that she did in the past and it I’m sure leaves a definite void in her life.

Be patient with your mother in law. She’s probably going thru her own emotional upheaval about the new relationship in his life where she isn’t needed in the same capacity as before. It’s highly possible she will adjust and eventually accept the change and also quite possible that she will continue to be angry about it and it will manifest itself in bad ways towards you.

The key is to realize you can only control your actions and not her. However I strongly suggest that you do keep an open line of communication with your husband about what is happening. Don’t hide from the feelings, don’t not speak up but also don’t tell him his mom needs to see a shrink. What she may be feeling is perfectly normal though how she is reacting to it may not be. If he becomes more aware of her actions he might be able to control the situation better. When she whines about you making him work in the house he should speak up and say “it’s his house too and that he doesn’t need his wife’s permission to work in it” or something to that effect. Humor and to the point but make a point.

Another example I’ll give you. Being newly married we constantly struggle for space from my husband’s family. They would rather us live with them, and sleep in our bed I feel sometimes to “comfort us” and “take care of us”. It can be stifeling despite the attention coming from the right place in the heart. He and I work extremely long hours so quality time with each other is scarce and when families impose on you continually with no break it can cause a lot of disconnection between two spouces.

When he recently admitted that he felt stifled himself and it would perhaps help to talk to his parents I told him he was crazy. That would just be cruel. They don’t deserve that. It would be jerky to say “Mom dad I know you really miss us and want to see us but we don’t really care to see you all the time.” The sensitive and sensible way to go about it is to point by example. Make a point when a action takes place, not after the moment has passed. That means when they complain they haven’t seen us forever and try to emotionally guilt us when they’ve just seen us 2 days before it’s a good example to point out their folly to them. I know his parents are very sensible, especially my very practical mother in law and she’ll understand.

5 months into the marriage I still get my husbands favorite food sent over all the time. It used to drive me crazy initially. His take was that she was making it easier for me since I work long hours. I just wish I had more control over our food choices and my kitchen but you have to pick some battles and others aren’t worth it. This one I decided wasn’t worth it. Her heart is in the right place and I should never ever have a problem with my husband’s mother loving him. There are other bigger battles to wage I’m sure in the future. I’ll save the angst for it. You should do the same.

I have to be honest once upon a time I used to love this particular parade. I'm not sure why but I'm a huge fan of bagpipes and the sound of them ringing in the background would make me immensely happy. However over the years it has sort of lost it's charm for me and it's possible this would be the last year I'd care to take pictures. Maybe it's the loud and obnoxious crowd on a Monday in the middle of Fifth Avenue or the green puke on the sidewalk or the drunken brawls and possibly this is the case with all parades but I don't attend too many parades and this one takes place during the week so I've become annoyed with it. Anyway here are pictures...and yes I wore green that day because we had a brand kick off meeting and in keeping with the color of my brand I tend to wear green on those days. It was just coincidence that it was St. Pats day.

I got tagged by Zen. 5 posts 5 categories. So here goes:

Family:

Lately I feel like almost all my posts are about family. I felt like they were for a while. When my mom was sick and after she passed I felt so much need to emote about family. Readers were so warm and supportive it was very comforting. But I’m again out of the family mode. I think my favorite 5 posts about family have been:

My experience with family culture in India

Reminiscing over Diwali

I got engaged and my mom was so severely ill all at once. I was going thru such a hard time emotionally. That was the last time I saw my mother alive.

My mom and her utter fabulousity

Family filling in during the wedding. My wedding kept a lot of close family out and I never felt their loss because of how much everyone did for us.

Friends

Friends mean the world to everyone I'm sure but in the absence of my family my friends have really held a special place in my heart.

I think my most recent show of love from my friends was at my Bridal Shower

Celebrating friendships and attending Fashion events with them

Ringing in the new year with friends. My last new year as a single women. I had such a great time and I had no idea that literally a year later I’d be with someone. 

Celebrating Hanukah with my girlfriend Jessica and an ode to the Hinjew

Traveling with friends and having friends come help me in my new place.

Yourself

This whole blog is all about me! Hello Jane of all trades!!?? How much more narcissistic can one get?

Woe is me.

Truly all about me….

Errr more about me

Booo hooo I can’t find a boyfriend

Oh those terrible freeloaders

Your Love

I feel like I have two loves. One is my husband and the other is travel. So I can’t really address one and not the other.

An ode to my love

Our wedding

India 

New Mexico

Bermuda & Bahamas

Anything you like

Two words: Makeup and Bytching!!

Me bytching about a government office

Me bytching about dolls

Errrr nail polish

Skin Care

Make up

I’m really excited about John Adams starting this weekend on HBO. A 7 part series there are several exciting factors for me. Hello my favorite time period in history, Jefferson and Washington, Tom Hanks is the executive producer, Paul Giamatti playing John Adams and they couldn’t have found someone better suited in terms of talent of looks, based on one of my favorite books of all time John Adams, written by one of my favorite authors of all time David McCullough. You know where I’ll be this Sunday.

It’s that time of the year again when I’m sure I’ll be treated to the sight of green puke early in the AM walking to work! St Patricks Day Parade is on Monday. It’s always “interesting” to say the least and having an office facing 5^th Avenue is definitely a treat, from the inside! If you haven’t ever seen it it’s definitely worth checking out. It’s the first parade of the year every year and kicks off the warm season.

I’m bummed. Was supposed to go see Van Halen on Monday. Concerts been canceled. Eddie’s Cancer has made a comeback.

I can't begin to tell you how deeply hurt and disappointed I am regarding the latest bomb about Elliot Spitzer. I'm hurt because I personally believed in him. He has had an illustrious career and I really admired him. I admired his stand against corruption and I saw hope in him and I'm just disgusted. He's a complete hypocrite. This man abused power becuase he could. $5K hookers??? Come on. He had 3 daughters. I'm so appalled.

I read some survey this morning regarding what his wife Silda Wall Spitzer should do and I just felt so sad. When I watched her tired but very calm face during the annoucement he made my heart just sank. She is the one that has to feel the shame and this man blatantly didn't just indulge in illegalities but in immoralities and now she's the one that is being watched. The same happened when McGreevy went down and his wife had to endure the embarrassment and shame while he was out attending coming out parties.

Please leave this woman alone. She has a long marriage and a relationship with a man who has done some serious wrong and caused her hurt and shame. She has grown daughters she has to worry about and she has to deal with this alone. Please give her the space and privacy she so desperately deserves. It's not fair to go after her, put the spotlight on her and scrutanize her. And it's certainly digusting to say things like "She probably knew anyway." Leave her alone.

My good friend and the very talented Emily Ting who made a movie with your's truly in it once upon a time had a beautiful wedding this past weekend that would have been the envy of every bride. Some highlights...

OK I thought there was some kind of automatic valve of hormones that is supposed to go off when one gets married. I’m supposed to now that I’m in love and in a secure relationship, older for my eggs are drying up… suddenly want babies. I actually asked my Ob/Gyn last week if there was something wrong with me. Because babies still scare the crap out of me and there isn’t a single bone, muscle, organ or dead skin cell in my body that desires one. What is up with that? I’ll tell you what’s up.

The short glimpses I have into the lives of “OPKs” (Other People’s Kids) is enough to stunt any potential for my hormones to rage, become deluded and want kids. I swear to god in the past year I’ve been exposed to good, bad, quiet, loud, sweet, rotten and several obnoxious kids and while it has never ever been the kids fault it's almost always the parents. Never mind that I’m actually very close to or related to some of them. Hell these people are supposed to be good people and if they are so damn bad at raising kids I have no hope.

I visited my brother in law and his wife during New Years Eve and they had just had this cutest little baby girl and with a 2 year old already in the home they had their hands full. Newborn babies sleep most of the time, you can’t complain much about them and the 2 year old is so precious and well behaved and even then I was overwhelmed as hell. It’s a lot to handle. How the hell do people do it? My own friends, most of them with 2 ½ kids and dogs and picket fences are just drowning over their ears in kids. And it just seems like soooooo much work. While the kid throws a 2 hour tantrum one of the moms says to me “but it’s really worth it”. Really? HOW?

I’ve somewhat become addicted to Super Nanny. I need Super Nanny to visit some of the people I know and their households and slap them silly for how bad they are with their kids. Yeah I don’t have any, what do I know but when I see a rotten kid behave so badly you want to dislike the child you know there is something wrong with the way the parent is doing it. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

I’ve seen kids bargain with their parents, argue and scream and yell while demanding something. How is that I never had options growing up, you ate what was put on your table, you wore the clothes that were bought for you, you went where you were told, did what you were asked and mostly didn’t question your parents. And if I ever did “Because I said so” was enough justification and out of respect and fear of my parents I didn’t even remotely consider questioning it.

Kids bargaining with their parents! Since when is that open to bargaining? I’ve seen “I don’t like this food” responded with a second meal and activities put off and plans altered because the kid didn’t want to do something. What? When did this happen? Shit my father would have slapped me upside down the head if I had an opinion about those things.

How is it that some children are so insanely well behaved and others are so completely rotten? It’s the parents! I recently had someone get hysterical on me because she thought I was yelling at her baby who was hysterical and crying for wanting his mother. Cow! Didn't realize that I was simply trying to figure out the needs of her child while she stuffed her face, got drunk and ignored his needs. If you want to act like you are still partying in college why have a kid and if you do why not pay a babysitter to put up with your screaming kid so you don’t embarrass yourself and become a nuisance to other guests.

I tell you the more time I spend with OPKs the more I find it utterly impossible to want babies. Sigh…what did I get myself into... Kids have got to be the best birth control.

Just saw this tonite and I was dying. It was perfect!!

The Electric Fountain has arrived in NYC. I first got a glimpse of it last week when they hauled it in late one evening on flat bed trucks in pieces. I knew something was going at Rockefeller Center. Apparently it opened and got lit yesterday. I will bring my camera in tomorrow and post my own pictures shortly. Till then check it out.

It cost a cool $1M and the artists are Sue Webster and Tim Noble, famous British artists. What I want to know is...is it green with all that electricity it's using???

It was a nice surprise for Himanshu but boy was it a hectic trip. We packed in a lot, even caught up with family, mine in London and his in Paris and had a great time but shit we aren't 22 anymore and cannot travel like we are. Anyway here is a glimpse.